Where is the hickey?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
