If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
