I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
