they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
