We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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