He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
