Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
