I got chris browned last night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
