When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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