i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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