Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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