I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
