But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
