Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
