What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
