Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
