she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
