Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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