Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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