You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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