btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
