so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
