dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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