chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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