Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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