Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
