i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I understand Curling. That high.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
