hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
