Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
