Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
