i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
