I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
