I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
