i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
