They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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