I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
