I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
