I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
