I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
