so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
