I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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