You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
