SEEEEXXX PLEASE
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It was confusing and full of hummus
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
