Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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