if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
