You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
