omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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