I feel great
I just peed on a car
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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