evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
