I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
