Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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